u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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