Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She told me I should be a condom model.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
