there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
