Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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