Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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