I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
