I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
