The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
