she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
