and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
