So drunk its hurt
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
