1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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