I think I am morally bankrupt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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