if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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