belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He felt like a one man threesome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
