Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
