Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
