but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
