I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
