It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize