you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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