were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize