I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
