happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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