Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
