I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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