he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize