I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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