are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
