He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize