I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
