dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
