i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
