Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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