No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
