I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
