I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
