does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
