Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
