My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've blown a few things in my day
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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