Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
