just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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