eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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