i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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