I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize