you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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