You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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