Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
