So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize