I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
