I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
