I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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