His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
