How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize