I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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