The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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