put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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