I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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