My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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