I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
