I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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