i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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