So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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