i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
