I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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