Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you will always have a special place in my vag
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This is the high leading the old right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
