dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
as a side note pls kill me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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