She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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