Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
