if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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