I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
