I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
that may or may not have been my penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
