you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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