Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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