on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
