Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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