i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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