Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize