She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No subtext here. People are naked.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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