why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
