if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
