I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
