Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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