i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
