hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize