I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Randomize
