I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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