you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
