i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
