a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
