WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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