You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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