i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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