my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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