if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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