i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
