the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
