I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my shit smells like andre
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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