hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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