is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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