i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
