i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
